Lisa moved to a new house last Thanksgiving and they were heating their house with a wood burning stove. Her husband went out of town to work for a month and was gone when a terrible cold snap happened and Lisa was going through wood at a prodigious rate to the point she was all but out. I endeavored to help her as she was pregnant and would be out of wood possibly before morning.
Family,
It is beyond cold again. It is three in the afternoon and it is only 9 degrees. Why doesn't a keyboard have the little circle for degrees. Dumb that it doesn't. On with the tail or is that tale. It’s tale. I knew that. Haha.
Rick was over last night for a game. Jade was being blessed today so I knew I was going to have to get up early. I was supposed to make cookies for the luncheon at Lisa’s house today but all day yesterday I dreaded it and put it off like I do so many things. Briana urged me to get it done but I didn't and finally at ten thirty I thought, "it won’t take too long" so I made a half a batch and was done with it shortly after eleven. With that out of the way and having a cookie and milk, I retired to my bed of rest. My dad would always say bed of rest. Ha ha so that is why I say it. I set my alarm to awake me from my bed of rest at six. And my alarm did indeed awaken me from my bed of dead slumber at six. I got up at 6:40 am and went to the cold bathroom and proceeded to get ready for Ricks meeting at 9 am. Briana and I got there five minutes late and were fearful that we would miss the blessed blessing event. We got there in time and Lisa and Ryan had a place saved for us. Almost as soon as we sat down they were announcing that there was a ‘blessing of a baby, Jade Marie by her husband Rick.’ Ha ha He had to correct himself. Rick got up with Ryan and a few of his friends that came up, Martin, Guest and Stephanie’s dad and brother-in-law. Rick gave a beautiful blessing of the wee girl and then held her up. She was out cold and didn’t stir a bit for any of it.
I must say it is an odd thing to be at a ward that is not your ward and not filled with the familiar and have the blessing of a baby with your same last name. It was cute to see my grown Rick, up there blessing his wee first baby. Just an odd nice happening.
After we went out into the bitter cold of January to drive to Lisa’s for some sandwiches. After that we all disbanded to our own abodes. The boys had their Sunday go to meeting clothes on, (my dad would say that too, that is where I got it and why I use it) so when Lisa said she needed help splitting logs they said they couldn't help. So later when Lisa called a few ago and said she just finished hauling wood and needed more and didn't have any, I told her I would put my boots on and get my sled and go over to Emma’s wood shed and get some wood for her that she could pick up on her way by after going to her husbands grandmother.
So in a few minutes I must go out into the sub zero cold and go steal wood. Waah. I told Lisa it is up to us women now to keep the supply of wood going. Working a chain saw, put that on my list of useful things I wish I would have learned along with plumbing and electricity, carpentry and car repair. Don’t get me wrong, baking my world famous cookies is a good skill to have but when one is left alone or can’t get help it is good to be able to do those things that can save money and life. Haha. But for now I will wait until all the church goers have passed from the late church shift and then I will sneak out into the gloaming and fetch wood. Who knew that I would be almost 60 and have to go out in the gloaming, gleaning wood to survive the bitter cold of winter. I feel like I have entered into the twilight zone of little house on the prairie. Not twilight where I go to the wood shed and get attacked by werewolves. That is scary and not at all romantic, the old woman dressed in bulky all black winter snow togs (my dad called them togs, that is where I got togs from and that is why I use togs cause my dad used togs) stealthing about in the gloaming with my trusty stealthy black plastic sled from the side of the red shed.
I will come home after and make some delicious hot chocolate. I do know that skill. There is only one wrinkle in my heist, I have to drag the black stealthy sled across the highway. If I thought my riding mower , that I have parked in Emma’s garage (Emma is central to all my plans) would start, I could drive it and hook up my stealthy black lawn trailer and use it but alas, I don’t think the mower would start and would dredge up snow and the tires are nigh onto bald so I would be spinning my wheels and getting stuck. That and the mower is rather loud and would ruin the stealth of ‘operation twilight.’ I hope I don’t run into Edward, or Jacob or even Rod Serling, ( if that is his name of "The Twilight Zone' fame). I will get ready now by putting on all of my gear. I would take a picture but I don’t have a camera. I may have to do an artist rendition. Like on 'Dead Files' when she has the sketch artist come in and then shows drawings that horrify. Well I will go and put on my warm outfit to retrieve the logs in question.
Later that same day…Mission accomplished. I donned my snow togs as previously indicated. My winter wear was somewhat tight and I feared I would look like James Herriot in the black plastic suit but no, I did however have to and retrieve the extra long black plastic sled. I arrived at the side of shed after struggling through the deep snow in the yard. I pulled out the sled from its long resting place only to find it encrusted with ice, snow and pine needles and in 0 degrees the ice and pine needles would not budge so they were having to go along for the ride. A wrinkle was immediately observed in my plan as the rope on the sled had been broken and repaired to the point that it would serve a child of three feet tall just fine but not for the creature that had retrieved the object. I was to look like Bigfoot dragging an Indian draggy thingy or maybe I could bend over to let the sled ride flat against the earth. Then I truly would look like a Quasimodo Bigfoot off on her quest to accomplish the heist. I came down through the yard and didn’t want to carry the sled across the highway as it was already heavy with ice and pine needles. I pulled it across scraping the asphalt hoping I would get down June’s driveway, disappearing behind Emma’s not being detected by any passers by . I thought it best to not walk further down to cross as the large black Bigfoot looking creature felt silly as I am sure people would wonder where this large imposing being was going pulling a sled. The sun was getting ready to set and so it would be hard to disguise but don’t think I wasn’t going to try. I quickly took the clip out of my hair and put my hood on as I went down the drive and onto Emma’s snow clad lawn. This is where I discovered a flaw in my hastily thought out crime. The large black boots and the dragging sled were leaving a nasty scar on the deep snow. It was too late to retreat, cars were coming. I couldn’t risk being mistaken for a Sasquatch, not after there was a request by the Sunday school teacher, by someone, to ask if any one in town had had a sighting of a Bigfoot. I would hate to be mistaken for the beast and have to have someone relate a tale next week that one was sighted in the dusk crossing the highway.
There was no stopping my quest for fuel at this point. I approached the woodshed and removed the padlock and started loading my sled with the dry wood of varying sizes to save my child and grand kids from the ravages of winter. It was a noble quest in the sub zero unforgiving wilderness of Emma’s back yard. Having accomplished the task I was ready to set off. I thought going back through our vacant lot next to Emma's, that if people see me they would think that I got the wood from my own wood supply on that lot. I started off only to find that I should have taken the time to attach a rope of proper length as now the heavy sled could only be pulled with me hunched over. I was able to drag it out of the lot and scrapping and huffing and puffing I crossed the highway, trying to not use my walk. I tried to change my gait so as not to look like the old crazy woman but to make it look more like….Oh no, Sasquatch. What was I thinking? But foremost in my mind now was not having a heart attack and falling in a heap along the highway as I know from experience that no one will stop when you look like a heap of garbage or a large dead unidentifiable animal, Bigfoot.
I found I could no longer pull the unwieldy load with the short rope and took to kicking it up the slight incline to the small abode. It was a workable solution as the packed crisp snow on the road sent it sailing with little effort. I pulled it into a parking spot in front of the house ready to load the contraband when the getaway car arrived. She came and the fuel was loaded and she drove away without suspicion as no one, I mean no one was out in the below frigid winter air in the dark of night. All that is left to tell the tale is the trail of the sled and the Bigfoot prints in the snow. No Edward or Jacob and I was no Bella. The end.
ps I love Bigfoot stories.
